we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
