I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
