Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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