Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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