She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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