I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
