3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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