Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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