I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
