Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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