I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
