mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
