If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
