I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
