I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
