This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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