Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
