My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
did you just send me my own nude
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
