Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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