Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
