all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
