im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
