Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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