ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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