and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize