i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
