Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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