ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
