Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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