Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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