I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
