I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
