I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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