Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
