dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
