hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
