I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
