I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
