Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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