bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
