My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
