1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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