there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
