Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
