Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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