Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
