so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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