she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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