let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
