How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
