brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
