It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
