I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
