i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
