how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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