For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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