Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
