kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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