You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
