Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
