Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm bleeding and have questions
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
