I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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