I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
