Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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