I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When are your genitals available?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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