We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
