if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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