i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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