I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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