i think i have two assholes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
