When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize