C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
