Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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