If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
