with your own penis?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
