Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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